(Translated from Carretera y Manta)
Verbatim transcript of our dialogue with a police man on the roads of Honduras, on Christmas Eve:
(Imagine the voice of Mr. Agent as that of Hugo Chavez and his face as that of an intoxicated Chavez)
-- Good morning, Mr Agent, and Merry Christmas, by the Grace of God
-- Good morning, gentlemen. I please provide your driver's license and permit for the vehicle
-- Here are, sir Agent, by the grace of God we have all the documentation in order
-- You do not have a front number plate
-- No sir, this is a motor vehicle of Californian origin, and therefore has only a number plate on the back
-- Agreed. Do you have the relevant safety triangles?
-- Well, look, Mr Agent, we do not have the aforementioned triangles
-- You are aware that this is a serious violation, eh?
-- Very serious, Mr Agent?
-- Yeeeesssss! Very serious ... I am going to have to write a little esquelita (*)...
-- You see you, Mr. Agent, all our stuff was stolen in El Salvador, and we had the triangle in our bags when it got stolen...
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Ah, yes? And why didn´t you buy a new one?
-- You see you, Mr.Agent ... they stole our passports, credit cards, telephones, and the last thing on our mind was to buy triangles
-- Aaay ... Well, I fear that the infringement is going to cost around 1500 lempiras ... (75$)
-- Look, we can show that we have a police report of the theft
-- But this claim is from Mexico, not El Salvador!
-- Yes, sir, in the city of El Salvador, Mexico ... (doesn´t exist...)
-- And where are you all from ?
-- Two Spaniards, an Italian and an American, Mr Agent, by the grace of God
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Aha ... I do not know if you have seen ... but while we spoke, I have been watching you... I work for the Honduran intelligence, and I was surprised to see that you are so diverse and colorful
-- Yes, sir, we are, we are friends from the university, each from a different country
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Fancy that on a day such as today, I met a group of four Europeans also ...
-- A day such as today Mr Agent?
-- Yes, sir, one day 24 December a year ago. They were a Norwegian, a Chinese and an Australian. And I told them that I have a collection of foreign currencies, that I am compiling for my daughters when they are older. The save them in a box ... Maybe you have some foreign money you could give me to add to my collection...
-- Mr agent, we do not have coins because they stole all our euros, as you can read in the police report...
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Ah, well ... Well, you Spanish right? Well I have a group of friends that are Spanish engineers who were building a dam in Choluteca, and I remember that they were very good people, and they love the drink! They would call me so that we would go out and drink occasionally, very good people ...
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Aaaah, Mr Agent, I bet you would also like to drink, eh?
-- Suuuuuurrre, friends ... always appreciates a little liquor in the body, no? And today, being Christmas Eve, we must celebrate!
-- Well, we also intend to celebrate tonight, God willing, Mr Agent, and by shear coincidence carry two bottles of French champagne in the refrigerator of our vehicle ... maybe you would like if we gave one to you as a gift?
-- Well suuuurrreee! A bottle for tonight would be very good!
(We hand over a bottle of shit champagne wrapped in newspaper, under the watchful eye of and intelligence agent with slight alcoholic deviations)
-- Mr Agent, we promise we´ll buy a triangle at the first petrol station, and with this bottle we can forget the fine, right?
-- Yes, of course, my friends, you can now continue your journey, but with caution, eh?
-- Yes Mr Agent, with caution and always accompanied by the grace of God, and specially on a day like today that Jesus Christ is reborn in the hearts of every one of us!
(Mr Integrity taps with his fingers three times on the bonnet of the van)
-- Off you go and Merry Christmas!
* esquelita = fine
Verbatim transcript of our dialogue with a police man on the roads of Honduras, on Christmas Eve:
(Imagine the voice of Mr. Agent as that of Hugo Chavez and his face as that of an intoxicated Chavez)
-- Good morning, Mr Agent, and Merry Christmas, by the Grace of God
-- Good morning, gentlemen. I please provide your driver's license and permit for the vehicle
-- Here are, sir Agent, by the grace of God we have all the documentation in order
-- You do not have a front number plate
-- No sir, this is a motor vehicle of Californian origin, and therefore has only a number plate on the back
-- Agreed. Do you have the relevant safety triangles?
-- Well, look, Mr Agent, we do not have the aforementioned triangles
-- You are aware that this is a serious violation, eh?
-- Very serious, Mr Agent?
-- Yeeeesssss! Very serious ... I am going to have to write a little esquelita (*)...
-- You see you, Mr. Agent, all our stuff was stolen in El Salvador, and we had the triangle in our bags when it got stolen...
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Ah, yes? And why didn´t you buy a new one?
-- You see you, Mr.Agent ... they stole our passports, credit cards, telephones, and the last thing on our mind was to buy triangles
-- Aaay ... Well, I fear that the infringement is going to cost around 1500 lempiras ... (75$)
-- Look, we can show that we have a police report of the theft
-- But this claim is from Mexico, not El Salvador!
-- Yes, sir, in the city of El Salvador, Mexico ... (doesn´t exist...)
-- And where are you all from ?
-- Two Spaniards, an Italian and an American, Mr Agent, by the grace of God
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Aha ... I do not know if you have seen ... but while we spoke, I have been watching you... I work for the Honduran intelligence, and I was surprised to see that you are so diverse and colorful
-- Yes, sir, we are, we are friends from the university, each from a different country
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Fancy that on a day such as today, I met a group of four Europeans also ...
-- A day such as today Mr Agent?
-- Yes, sir, one day 24 December a year ago. They were a Norwegian, a Chinese and an Australian. And I told them that I have a collection of foreign currencies, that I am compiling for my daughters when they are older. The save them in a box ... Maybe you have some foreign money you could give me to add to my collection...
-- Mr agent, we do not have coins because they stole all our euros, as you can read in the police report...
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Ah, well ... Well, you Spanish right? Well I have a group of friends that are Spanish engineers who were building a dam in Choluteca, and I remember that they were very good people, and they love the drink! They would call me so that we would go out and drink occasionally, very good people ...
(Pause dramatic, slow and intense observation of each of our stunned faces)
-- Aaaah, Mr Agent, I bet you would also like to drink, eh?
-- Suuuuuurrre, friends ... always appreciates a little liquor in the body, no? And today, being Christmas Eve, we must celebrate!
-- Well, we also intend to celebrate tonight, God willing, Mr Agent, and by shear coincidence carry two bottles of French champagne in the refrigerator of our vehicle ... maybe you would like if we gave one to you as a gift?
-- Well suuuurrreee! A bottle for tonight would be very good!
(We hand over a bottle of shit champagne wrapped in newspaper, under the watchful eye of and intelligence agent with slight alcoholic deviations)
-- Mr Agent, we promise we´ll buy a triangle at the first petrol station, and with this bottle we can forget the fine, right?
-- Yes, of course, my friends, you can now continue your journey, but with caution, eh?
-- Yes Mr Agent, with caution and always accompanied by the grace of God, and specially on a day like today that Jesus Christ is reborn in the hearts of every one of us!
(Mr Integrity taps with his fingers three times on the bonnet of the van)
-- Off you go and Merry Christmas!
* esquelita = fine
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